![fujiidom:
mcqueens / porpoisespit:
In writing my colour beige entry for Portman, I accumulated so many quotes that I couldn’t quite fit them all into the entry. Since then, they’ve been sitting in a doc on my computer making my hard drive stupider. I thought the occasion of her finally, inevitably being crowned the preeminent actor of her generation with her leading actress oscar win over the likes of Annette Bening and Nicole Kidman would be an appropriate time to share the outtakes to my original entry. So behold, quotations that are probably not quite as bad as the ones previously featured but which still wreak of a bachelors in navel gazing and way too many enablers in her sheltered, over-privileged life.
It’s sort of crazy that I have a Harvard education and no one ever mentioned world poverty to me. (Well, this is a nice place to start. Entitlement, ignorance, Harvard - it’s got all the hallmarks of a classic Portman mouth fart.)
Mike Nichols, I love you, you’re the nicest, smartest, wisest, daddy, friend, rock star…everything. I just I love you so much. (He directed her in the infamous stripper scene for Closer during which she showed Clive Owen her vulva and told him her cunt tasted like heaven [for which an entirely topless one was shot and trashed] and she just referred to him as daddy. Interesting to note: for this golden globe she is accepting she beat Cate Blanchette (1 supporting, not leading, actress oscar), Laura Linney (0 oscars), Virginia Madsen (0 oscars), and Meryl Streep)
I don’t have a problem with making money, but I don’t believe in doing something you don’t believe in to make money. Like a makeup campaign or something like that — the opportunities that young actors have all the time. (I swear to god I did not make this up, the source is here and it is only from 2009, not when she was a kid or anything. And yes, she is the new face of Dior and again, has sold shampoo, coffee, and clothes in various Asian markets. And yes, she appears to have no concept that money is an actual thing that people have to make at any cost in order to not die.)
My most difficult time personally was probably my senior college year. I wasn’t getting work and everyone hated my performances in Star Wars; everyone thought I was a terrible actress…I took time off and that’s when I did Cold Mountain, which I basically had to beg to get even that little, tiny part. And Mike Nichols wrote a letter for me, and having him believe in me and look at me like that, that process slowly took me out of it. (Did you just flush the career handed to you on a silver platter down the toilet because you got paid well into the 7 figures and didn’t actually do your job? Get an old guy/daddy figure/rock star to write a letter to one of his director friends! Also probably don’t say things like “My senior year at harvard was the worst year of my life,” without qualifying it with something really bad, like illness or something. Idk, just making a suggestion.)
But most of the time, Portman sees her preternatural petiteness as an asset. “You can use it to your advantage,” she says. “It’s like how women have an advantage in war in some ways because they’re perceived as being weak.” (I just can’t even, what kind of war is she thinking about? Paint ball?)
[Feminism] is sort of a dirty word….[Scarlett Johansson babbles about how she’s not a feminist because she’s never been denied anything, basically revealing her brain to be nothing more than old time disney cartoon reels on loop a la Homer]…Yeah I think that we’ve definitely grown up in a way that you could take it for granted but it’s interesting because I feel like in this election it came up for me for the first time in my life and I had never really thought about it that much. And now that we have a woman running for president and you hear all the things that people are saying about her, I do feel like a feminist for the first time in my life. (All the rightful critiques of feminism aside which I am certain she is not talking about anyway, I think we can all agree that it’s pretty mind boggling that the first time Natalie Portman ever, in her entire, harvard educated, world traveling, brilliant, intellectual, charitable, micro-finance peddling life even thought about feminism was when a white lady ran for president in 2008. You can see the video itself here, I would suggest doing so just for witnessing how dense ScarJo is. Well if you don’t like ScarJo. If you do then just skip it.)
I actually felt like I was in a time machine last week when I went with Jay-Z to the Laserium in Los Angeles. (In response to, I kid you not: “If you could get into a time machine, to what place and period would you travel?” This is the same interview in which she said the recession is exciting so it was pretty fruitful mouth fart wise. It was conducted by Jake Gyllenhaal who I want to like but after hearing her say both these things and still calling her a friend and then “dating” Swift, I’m kind of side eyeing him.)
I really love beautiful things and I actually don’t take issue with borrowing things for premieres. I don’t see it as me buying into consumerism because I really don’t shop at all. I’m obviously lucky to be in a position where people give me things. (I’m not a horrible, planet destroying consumer like you. I get all my stuff for free and then that stuff gets eaten by a unicorn and is pooped out as rice for poor children and all my movies are art and I’m not selling you perfume I’m selling you my own bottled farts which smell like perfume so I’m pretty scott free in this whole consumer culture all you plebeians are a part of.)
I think mistreatment and cruelty to animals should be treated with the same seriousness as cruelty to people if not more. Animals are clearly never at fault. (Emphasis mine. Eating a burger is rape after all!)
Now, I wouldn’t be like, ‘Let’s work with the first-time director who’s in a television show that I haven’t seen.’ (Talking about Garden State, which some might say helped revive her dwindling career. Oh, did I forget to mention I’m ungrateful, ungracious and uncouth?)
When I was in school I took a class with Cornel West, who’s this amazing African-American Studies professor, and he would say that in America there’s this sort of racism against Asians where they say, “Oh, you know, they all look alike.” He believed the reason is that Americans don’t take enough time to look. Yet that’s actually proved beneficial because you can play someone who’s Japanese, as you do in Memoirs of a Geisha. (This was a question-less question she asked of Zhang Ziyi in an Interview magazine interview promoting Memoirs of a Geisha. Relevance: 0; Self-aggrandizing, pseudo-intellectual name-dropping that actually has you positing that racism helps its victim: 1. I can feel Ziyi’s side eye still emanating from deep within the space/time continuum.)
When I was at Harvard, a very close friend lost someone to the violence in Israel. I felt so helpless watching her pain. I really wanted to do something, but I didn’t know where to begin. Coming from Israel, I know how polarized that part of the world scene in a [sic] can be. I had always really admired Queen Rania of Jordan. She’s the most high-profile Palestinian woman in the Middle East, and she’s so compassionate and smart. I realize that not everyone can do this, but I picked up the phone that very day to track her down and ask her for advice. (Something truly, genuinely horrible has happened. Best course of action: call Queen Rania of Jordan. I debated whether to include this quotation, because obviously something genuinely horrible happened and I give her props I guess for trying to get advice from a Palestinian but really? You’re Israeli and the only Palestinian you could find was Queen Rania? And why do you even think that problems in your life merit calling the monarch of some other nation?)
It’s funny, some of my actress friends and I talk about how none of us have the big wedding obsession that other girls our age have, and I think it’s because what girls experience on their wedding day happens a few times a year for us. Any time you go to a premiere, you get you hair and make-up done and everyone is looking at you. (I’ve just got nothing but how insensitive, pompous and oblivious this is. Why even say this outside of your privileged circle of friends? You might as well talk about how you don’t have money problems either.)
It’s weird how people get so critical when you have a cause or are passionate about something other than fashion. You become just another celebrity with a cause, which, for some reason, is unacceptable. (Because there is absolutely no problem whatsoever with the celebrity charity complex which basically exists as a branch of the hollywood pr industry and the questions it all raises about imperialism, racism, and the conflict of interests that celebrities obviously have since it is often times more beneficial to them and their images than it is to the recipients of their charity? OK, gotcha, thanks portaloo.)
I am writing to offer my most sincere apologies for not being as articulate as I could have been regarding my thoughts on W.E.B. DuBois’s ‘The Souls of Black Folks.’ My lack of eloquence, combined with my words being taken out of context, led to the printing of a statement of mine that I found personally offensive: “I’m not black, but I know what it feels like”….The “it” I was referring to when I said, “I know what it feels like,” was not intended to signify that I know how black people feel, but rather that I know what DuBois’s concept of double-consciousness feels like, in variation…[…]…I do believe, however, that it is in small ways we relate to each other, even if we do so inaccurately, that we build our relationships with each other and realize our common humanity. I understand that we are essentially ignorant in actually knowing anothers life, but imagining anothers life is the basic way we relate to one another. (This is her apology for the whole I’m not black but I know what it feels like fiasco obviously. I’ve only included what I thought were the most telling bits and let’s examine them now. First, she doesn’t apologize for what she said and still believes the sentiment was correct, she apologizes instead for her lack of eloquence and being taken out of context [the magazine’s fault!]. Next, she fails to understand that blackness and double consciousness are not mutually exclusive concepts, double consciousness is a term DuBois created to describe the experience of blackness, you cannot separate them and make them about your shallow life and how it makes you see yourself from the outside because your bread and butter is your appearance. Thirdly, she actually alleges that this kind of racially insensitive and dismissive remark is really a good thing because it helps us understand our common humanity. Riiiight)
Obviously it’s much easier to say that you’re going to follow your passions when you’re financially secure, but at least we can take solace in the fact that we now have the time to pursue the things that we really want to pursue because now the option of doing things just for the money isn’t necessarily there. (This is the end of her “the recession is exciting” quote that always gets cut out, just thought I’d leave it here.)
The rest of the quotes are about her zionism, the worst of which were already in my other post. I’m just putting them out there, draw your own conclusions. I do not want to deal with a shit storm please.
Although I don’t know if all the reasons behind the Gaza pullout are as idealistic as we might like to think, at the same time I don’t really care why they’re doing it as long as they’re doing it. If they didn’t do it, Israel won’t be a Jewish state in 10 years.
Where immigrating to Israel is called “ascending” and emigrating from Israel is called “descending.”…Where “Arabic homes” is a positive real estate term with no sense of irony. Where there is endless material for dark humor. (This is taken from something she wrote for a book called What Israel Means to Me: By 80 Prominent Writers, Performers, Scholars, Politicians, and Journalists compiled by frequently dropped name and bff, Alan Dershowitz. She’s also personally thanked in his book The Case for Israel.)
It just angered me that someone who is obviously intelligent enough to attend law school could be so misinformed. (Speaking of Faisal Chaudry and his charge that Israel is a racist, apartheid state. You can read his op-ed for yourself and decide on your own how misinformed he is.)
And finally, I thought I’d close with this little bit of irony:
Well sometimes, if you have a government that is committing violence and you are just passive in going along with it, it is a violence in itself. Being passive with, you know, a [sic], being non-violent with an oppressive government or passive, I mean there are non-violent ways of being active as well, but, um, but passivity can be a form of violence as well.
Ok, that wraps up our foray into the demented mind of Oscar winning actress Natalie Porthole. I hope you’ve all learned some invaluable lessons from her staggering wisdom and that her impending baby is just as smart as she is. Hopefully her perfect baby will complete its destiny of perfection by marrying one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s kids and the ensuing offspring will surely cure cancer just by looking at it.
THIS IS DISGUSTING](http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh9cvxia2r1qfky49o1_500.jpg)
In writing my colour beige entry for Portman, I accumulated so many quotes that I couldn’t quite fit them all into the entry. Since then, they’ve been sitting in a doc on my computer making my hard drive stupider. I thought the occasion of her finally, inevitably being crowned the preeminent actor of her generation with her leading actress oscar win over the likes of Annette Bening and Nicole Kidman would be an appropriate time to share the outtakes to my original entry. So behold, quotations that are probably not quite as bad as the ones previously featured but which still wreak of a bachelors in navel gazing and way too many enablers in her sheltered, over-privileged life.
- It’s sort of crazy that I have a Harvard education and no one ever mentioned world poverty to me. (Well, this is a nice place to start. Entitlement, ignorance, Harvard - it’s got all the hallmarks of a classic Portman mouth fart.)
- Mike Nichols, I love you, you’re the nicest, smartest, wisest, daddy, friend, rock star…everything. I just I love you so much. (He directed her in the infamous stripper scene for Closer during which she showed Clive Owen her vulva and told him her cunt tasted like heaven [for which an entirely topless one was shot and trashed] and she just referred to him as daddy. Interesting to note: for this golden globe she is accepting she beat Cate Blanchette (1 supporting, not leading, actress oscar), Laura Linney (0 oscars), Virginia Madsen (0 oscars), and Meryl Streep)
- I don’t have a problem with making money, but I don’t believe in doing something you don’t believe in to make money. Like a makeup campaign or something like that — the opportunities that young actors have all the time. (I swear to god I did not make this up, the source is here and it is only from 2009, not when she was a kid or anything. And yes, she is the new face of Dior and again, has sold shampoo, coffee, and clothes in various Asian markets. And yes, she appears to have no concept that money is an actual thing that people have to make at any cost in order to not die.)
- My most difficult time personally was probably my senior college year. I wasn’t getting work and everyone hated my performances in Star Wars; everyone thought I was a terrible actress…I took time off and that’s when I did Cold Mountain, which I basically had to beg to get even that little, tiny part. And Mike Nichols wrote a letter for me, and having him believe in me and look at me like that, that process slowly took me out of it. (Did you just flush the career handed to you on a silver platter down the toilet because you got paid well into the 7 figures and didn’t actually do your job? Get an old guy/daddy figure/rock star to write a letter to one of his director friends! Also probably don’t say things like “My senior year at harvard was the worst year of my life,” without qualifying it with something really bad, like illness or something. Idk, just making a suggestion.)
- But most of the time, Portman sees her preternatural petiteness as an asset. “You can use it to your advantage,” she says. “It’s like how women have an advantage in war in some ways because they’re perceived as being weak.” (I just can’t even, what kind of war is she thinking about? Paint ball?)
- [Feminism] is sort of a dirty word….[Scarlett Johansson babbles about how she’s not a feminist because she’s never been denied anything, basically revealing her brain to be nothing more than old time disney cartoon reels on loop a la Homer]…Yeah I think that we’ve definitely grown up in a way that you could take it for granted but it’s interesting because I feel like in this election it came up for me for the first time in my life and I had never really thought about it that much. And now that we have a woman running for president and you hear all the things that people are saying about her, I do feel like a feminist for the first time in my life. (All the rightful critiques of feminism aside which I am certain she is not talking about anyway, I think we can all agree that it’s pretty mind boggling that the first time Natalie Portman ever, in her entire, harvard educated, world traveling, brilliant, intellectual, charitable, micro-finance peddling life even thought about feminism was when a white lady ran for president in 2008. You can see the video itself here, I would suggest doing so just for witnessing how dense ScarJo is. Well if you don’t like ScarJo. If you do then just skip it.)
- I actually felt like I was in a time machine last week when I went with Jay-Z to the Laserium in Los Angeles. (In response to, I kid you not: “If you could get into a time machine, to what place and period would you travel?” This is the same interview in which she said the recession is exciting so it was pretty fruitful mouth fart wise. It was conducted by Jake Gyllenhaal who I want to like but after hearing her say both these things and still calling her a friend and then “dating” Swift, I’m kind of side eyeing him.)
- I really love beautiful things and I actually don’t take issue with borrowing things for premieres. I don’t see it as me buying into consumerism because I really don’t shop at all. I’m obviously lucky to be in a position where people give me things. (I’m not a horrible, planet destroying consumer like you. I get all my stuff for free and then that stuff gets eaten by a unicorn and is pooped out as rice for poor children and all my movies are art and I’m not selling you perfume I’m selling you my own bottled farts which smell like perfume so I’m pretty scott free in this whole consumer culture all you plebeians are a part of.)
- I think mistreatment and cruelty to animals should be treated with the same seriousness as cruelty to people if not more. Animals are clearly never at fault. (Emphasis mine. Eating a burger is rape after all!)
- Now, I wouldn’t be like, ‘Let’s work with the first-time director who’s in a television show that I haven’t seen.’ (Talking about Garden State, which some might say helped revive her dwindling career. Oh, did I forget to mention I’m ungrateful, ungracious and uncouth?)
- When I was in school I took a class with Cornel West, who’s this amazing African-American Studies professor, and he would say that in America there’s this sort of racism against Asians where they say, “Oh, you know, they all look alike.” He believed the reason is that Americans don’t take enough time to look. Yet that’s actually proved beneficial because you can play someone who’s Japanese, as you do in Memoirs of a Geisha. (This was a question-less question she asked of Zhang Ziyi in an Interview magazine interview promoting Memoirs of a Geisha. Relevance: 0; Self-aggrandizing, pseudo-intellectual name-dropping that actually has you positing that racism helps its victim: 1. I can feel Ziyi’s side eye still emanating from deep within the space/time continuum.)
- When I was at Harvard, a very close friend lost someone to the violence in Israel. I felt so helpless watching her pain. I really wanted to do something, but I didn’t know where to begin. Coming from Israel, I know how polarized that part of the world scene in a [sic] can be. I had always really admired Queen Rania of Jordan. She’s the most high-profile Palestinian woman in the Middle East, and she’s so compassionate and smart. I realize that not everyone can do this, but I picked up the phone that very day to track her down and ask her for advice. (Something truly, genuinely horrible has happened. Best course of action: call Queen Rania of Jordan. I debated whether to include this quotation, because obviously something genuinely horrible happened and I give her props I guess for trying to get advice from a Palestinian but really? You’re Israeli and the only Palestinian you could find was Queen Rania? And why do you even think that problems in your life merit calling the monarch of some other nation?)
- It’s funny, some of my actress friends and I talk about how none of us have the big wedding obsession that other girls our age have, and I think it’s because what girls experience on their wedding day happens a few times a year for us. Any time you go to a premiere, you get you hair and make-up done and everyone is looking at you. (I’ve just got nothing but how insensitive, pompous and oblivious this is. Why even say this outside of your privileged circle of friends? You might as well talk about how you don’t have money problems either.)
- It’s weird how people get so critical when you have a cause or are passionate about something other than fashion. You become just another celebrity with a cause, which, for some reason, is unacceptable. (Because there is absolutely no problem whatsoever with the celebrity charity complex which basically exists as a branch of the hollywood pr industry and the questions it all raises about imperialism, racism, and the conflict of interests that celebrities obviously have since it is often times more beneficial to them and their images than it is to the recipients of their charity? OK, gotcha, thanks portaloo.)
- I am writing to offer my most sincere apologies for not being as articulate as I could have been regarding my thoughts on W.E.B. DuBois’s ‘The Souls of Black Folks.’ My lack of eloquence, combined with my words being taken out of context, led to the printing of a statement of mine that I found personally offensive: “I’m not black, but I know what it feels like”….The “it” I was referring to when I said, “I know what it feels like,” was not intended to signify that I know how black people feel, but rather that I know what DuBois’s concept of double-consciousness feels like, in variation…[…]…I do believe, however, that it is in small ways we relate to each other, even if we do so inaccurately, that we build our relationships with each other and realize our common humanity. I understand that we are essentially ignorant in actually knowing anothers life, but imagining anothers life is the basic way we relate to one another. (This is her apology for the whole I’m not black but I know what it feels like fiasco obviously. I’ve only included what I thought were the most telling bits and let’s examine them now. First, she doesn’t apologize for what she said and still believes the sentiment was correct, she apologizes instead for her lack of eloquence and being taken out of context [the magazine’s fault!]. Next, she fails to understand that blackness and double consciousness are not mutually exclusive concepts, double consciousness is a term DuBois created to describe the experience of blackness, you cannot separate them and make them about your shallow life and how it makes you see yourself from the outside because your bread and butter is your appearance. Thirdly, she actually alleges that this kind of racially insensitive and dismissive remark is really a good thing because it helps us understand our common humanity. Riiiight)
- Obviously it’s much easier to say that you’re going to follow your passions when you’re financially secure, but at least we can take solace in the fact that we now have the time to pursue the things that we really want to pursue because now the option of doing things just for the money isn’t necessarily there. (This is the end of her “the recession is exciting” quote that always gets cut out, just thought I’d leave it here.)
- The rest of the quotes are about her zionism, the worst of which were already in my other post. I’m just putting them out there, draw your own conclusions. I do not want to deal with a shit storm please.
- Although I don’t know if all the reasons behind the Gaza pullout are as idealistic as we might like to think, at the same time I don’t really care why they’re doing it as long as they’re doing it. If they didn’t do it, Israel won’t be a Jewish state in 10 years.
- Where immigrating to Israel is called “ascending” and emigrating from Israel is called “descending.”…Where “Arabic homes” is a positive real estate term with no sense of irony. Where there is endless material for dark humor. (This is taken from something she wrote for a book called What Israel Means to Me: By 80 Prominent Writers, Performers, Scholars, Politicians, and Journalists compiled by frequently dropped name and bff, Alan Dershowitz. She’s also personally thanked in his book The Case for Israel.)
- It just angered me that someone who is obviously intelligent enough to
attend law school could be so misinformed. (Speaking of Faisal Chaudry and his charge that Israel is a racist, apartheid state. You can read his op-ed for yourself and decide on your own how misinformed he is.)- And finally, I thought I’d close with this little bit of irony:
- Well sometimes, if you have a government that is committing violence and you are just passive in going along with it, it is a violence in itself. Being passive with, you know, a [sic], being non-violent with an oppressive government or passive, I mean there are non-violent ways of being active as well, but, um, but passivity can be a form of violence as well.
Ok, that wraps up our foray into the demented mind of Oscar winning actress Natalie Porthole. I hope you’ve all learned some invaluable lessons from her staggering wisdom and that her impending baby is just as smart as she is. Hopefully her perfect baby will complete its destiny of perfection by marrying one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s kids and the ensuing offspring will surely cure cancer just by looking at it.
THIS IS DISGUSTING
